


Take A Risk

by thesetwoidiots



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:16:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5193644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesetwoidiots/pseuds/thesetwoidiots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Broken.  That's the best word for their relationship, but will a message passed to Chris help to make things right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take A Risk

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction that I was brave enough to post. Be gentle.

Instant attraction were the words that he’d used to describe them once, a flame that burned bright and hot. Like most flames, it had burned out. They had given it a go, given it more than a go, both trying to do anything to make it work. But, like most relationships, the work wore them down and eventually they just stopped trying. Work required them to see each other, the reason they had tried so hard to make a go of it, but that was easy enough, the Kurt and Blaine personas kept them from speaking about any real issues, and they trudged through whatever latest drama the television couple went through, pushing their own problems into the background. The end of the show felt like it came too quickly to many, but they were relieved to be apart without questioning looks from their friends. It just seemed like it was finally time to move on.

All of those thoughts crashed through Chris’ head when he opened the plain white envelope that Matthew handed him backstage at Finding Neverland. He gave a questioning glance, but slid his fingers under the seal and watched as a Playbill fluttered to the ground. Familiar eyes, though now surrounded with blue, sparkling eyeshadow, stared back at him. A small gasp escaped his lips before he was able to compose himself and Matthew gave his arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Chris leaned down and snatched up the Playbill and attempted to shove it back into the envelope but stopped when he saw a piece of paper sticking out of the top. He pulled it out and the scrawl that greeted him made the tears prick his eyes, he swallowed and scanned over the message.

Chris, You know when you told me to get my head out of my ass and take a risk. Come see me take one. Tickets are waiting for you for any night of my run. – Dare

Chris scoffed and tossed the envelope back at Matthew and shook his head.

“I’m not going. You know, I’m surprised that you actually agreed to this.”

“He called, begged me to pass the message along, I had no idea what he wrote, he came to the show last night, heard that you’d be here tonight. Are you sure you aren’t going to go?” Matthew raised his eyebrows and studied the other man intently.

“I’ve got nothing left for him, you know more than anyone how things ended, and that woman, and all of the things that happened. I can’t, no I won’t.” Chris folded his arms and bit the inside of his cheek. “I mean, he wouldn’t even tell people that he liked men and now he’s playing a man that became a woman?” Chris’ voiced squeaked as his temper flared. He straightened his suit and took a deep breath. “I am not going back to that place in my life Matthew. Thanks for the tickets to the show tonight, I enjoyed every minute of it. Tell him not to waste a ticket for me to his show, worry about selling them instead.” He quickly hugged his friend and left the theater, bound for his hotel.

It was hot in the city, a thick, sticky heat and his chest felt cramped, clothes felt too tight and restrictive. The note replayed in his mind as he walked a couple of blocks and his curiosity got the best of him. He could see the lights for the Belasco as he passed 44th street, his eyes lingered over the crowd and he wondered if Darren was out there at that moment. The people seemed quiet though, and they seemed to be talking amongst themselves. All too quickly, he seemed to be upon them, before he even realized he had started down the street. He ducked into the French bistro next door before anyone spotted him.  
Soon, he heard the screams and he knew that Darren was out there. He tried to scoot closer to the window and see him without being noticed. A woman who seemed to be working security glanced his way and muttered something to Darren. Chris quickly headed toward the back of the restaurant and into the restroom, hoping that Darren did not get a chance to see him. It wasn’t that they hadn’t seen each other, they had, it was just that he was not prepared to face him outside of a required work event. Chris ventured a glance out of the door and saw that nobody was waiting for him. He sighed in relief and went back to the front of the restaurant, where he could see that he’d been waiting in the restroom for at least half an hour and the crowd was gone. Great, he thought, now everyone would think he was back there with food poisoning. He sat at a table and ordered a cup of coffee, needing to sit and calm himself before he could chance leaving. He sipped at his coffee slowly and watched the door, ready to make a hasty exit if someone recognized him or worse, if Darren dropped by.

The security woman was the one who ended up coming inside, obviously worn out from her time at the line tonight. She noticed him sitting there and raised an eyebrow before coming over.

“Hey doll, is this seat taken?” She had a gruff voice, but pleasant enough, so he gestured for her to sit across from him. “I’m Annie. You’re Chris, I’m not going to pretend I don’t know, so don’t ask me to.” She smirked and Chris glanced around them nervously.

“Can you swear that you’ll never, I mean never, tell Dare, Darren, that I was here. I just got his note and came by and wanted to see, I have no idea why I am telling you this.” Chris barked a laugh and covered his face.

“I won’t say nothing, but maybe you should? At least to see what he has to say?” She sipped tea and hissed when the hot liquid burned her mouth. “That’s none of my business, of course. But the boy about broke his neck when I mentioned your name. He checked out the place, but you must be a world champion hider because he came back and said you weren’t here.”

“Nah, bathrooms actually. I’m sure these people think I’ve got major digestive issues.” Chris chuckled and Annie laughed along with him. “Has he gone?” Chris looked past her, hopeful that Darren had left without continuing his search.

“Yeah, he didn’t stay long after he checked in here. You should be safe.” She gestured toward the door. “Go on home if you need to. I’ve got the check for your coffee, have a good night and think about coming back.” Annie smiled and Chris returned her smile before leaving out the front door.

She was right, there was nobody around, nobody to notice him or anyone else in the street. Theater lights darkened, melancholy creeped into his body, the closing of the theater for the night was sad for him, it always had been. He quickly crossed the street and was back in Times Square before he could give anymore thought to Darren Criss.

Annie pushed open the door of Un Deux Trois and was met with Darren’s curious face.

“Well?” He almost pleaded for information.

“It was him, he was embarrassed that he came. He doesn’t even want you to know that he was here.” She paused and looked at Darren as he deflated. “Don’t give up though. Tell me what you are going to do next.”

Darren grumbled under his breath about how unfair it was that he wouldn’t at least come see the show and threw his hands up in frustration.

“Maybe I let it go Annie. At some point, I’ve got to realize that we tried and it didn’t happen and it is time to move on.” He rubbed his tired eyes with the heels of his hands and let the sadness fill him, there was no reason that he and Chris would ever spend another minute together. Darren had hoped they would fix things before Glee ended, or at least before the press for the show was over, their characters had gotten married for Christ’s sake. He’d be lying to everyone, including himself if he said that he didn’t picture himself and Chris while they filmed those scenes, or the scenes trapped in an elevator. He didn’t like to think about how quickly Chris had left the set between takes, leaving no time for talk among the two of them.

Annie hugged him tightly and patted his head before saying goodbye. Darren planned to go home, he’d already sent his car, but the musical instruments called toward him from inside the theater, it was as if they could hear his heart breaking again within him. He punched in the code and went inside, easily navigating the hallways until he found himself on stage. Nothing came to him more naturally than music did. He picked up a guitar and set to work playing his heart out in the darkness. He didn’t sing, just let the notes flow through his fingers, occasionally playing things he recognized, until he literally could not play another note. He collapsed on the stage with exhaustion and fell asleep there, dreams of Chris flooded his mind and he felt like he had been transported back in time.

He tugged on his Dalton blazer for the first time, examining himself in the mirror of the wardrobe trailer when he heard the door open. He glanced toward the sound and saw Chris enter. His heart quickened and he found himself trying to think of something to say. Chris was the first to say something, with a quip about his outfit for the day. It was a plain suit with a red tie and Chris was happy to be wearing something normal instead of Kurt’s outlandish outfits. Darren introduced himself, and Chris assured him that he was already aware of him, that he was a fan of A Very Potter Musical, something he never dreamt an actual actor had been aware of. They spent their day filming the “Teenage Dream” sequence and Darren couldn’t take his eyes off of Chris. After filming wrapped, Darren wasn’t ready for them to go their separate ways, so he invited Chris to spend the evening with him watching Sutton Foster. To his surprise, Chris agreed and they left the set together, a new friendship, or more, blossoming between them.

Darren woke up with a jolt at the slam of a door, and found that he had been crying in his sleep. He gingerly set the guitar down and headed toward his dressing room, he hoped that he could make it look like he spent the night in there. He heard footsteps coming toward the back and silently cursed the fact that he was still wearing his clothes from the night before. He glanced up as he and the footsteps both got closer to the dressing rooms and smiled as he recognized Rebecca, he knew that she wouldn’t judge him for staying there last night. She gave him an encouraging smile before slipping into her dressing room. He ran his hands through his curls and tried to take a short nap on his couch before he needed to get ready for makeup. This turned out to be a poor choice as Chris invaded his dreams again, another unwelcome reminder of their time together.

Darren set down across from Chris for a table read of their scene together. Chris already had his script open and so did most of the cast, their chuckles were audible as he sat down. He glanced around the room and tried to figure out what could possibly be so funny until Chris pointed to the script where they were going to finally kiss. The cast was notoriously juvenile when there was a kissing scene involved and Darren found himself suddenly nervous.

“Do you want to practice?” Chris asked, wiggling his eyebrows and laughing. Darren shook his head violently, not because he couldn’t picture himself kissing Chris, but because he was afraid his practicing would show everyone what he thought he might be feeling inside. Chris pretended that he was offended, but smiled comfortingly at Darren.

“Colfer, I don’t need to practice, that’s how good I am.” Darren winked and tried to compose himself internally before going on with the table read. 

When it came time to perform, Darren felt his nerves jumbling in his belly. He wanted to run his hands through his hair so badly, but the mountain of gel that the hair people had meticulously slathered his hair in prevented him from this nervous habit. They filmed the scene leading up to the kiss quickly and it was time for the big moment. He decided to throw his nerves out the window and he went full force into their kiss. He was so into it, he didn’t hear Ryan call for them to stop, he was just kissing Chris and Chris was kissing him back. Their bodies seemed to align and his heart felt like it was going to explode. If there was one moment that he never wanted to take back in his life, this was it. His mouth fit Chris’ mouth as if they were made to be kissing. Chris wrapped his arms around Darren’s neck and Darren could’ve sworn he felt Chris’ tongue run along his lips, but Ryan finally got to them and broke them apart. Chris just stared at him and he gave him a sly smirk before heading back to his mark, Ryan deciding that their first kiss should be a little more tentative. Darren continued to intentionally mess up the takes, anything to kiss him again. Soon, he realized that Chris was doing the same thing. When filming was over, they headed to separate trailers, but it wasn’t long until Chris was knocking on his door and kissing him again, hand twisted in his hair, something not lost on the hair department. He would remember this day as his absolute favorite day of filming for the show.

Darren woke in a sweat, chest heaving, unable to catch his breath. This was getting ridiculous, he told himself, he needed to let Chris go. He had her, he should be happy with her. Then why didn’t he go home to her? Why was she always nagging him about the roles he chose or the songs he sang or appearing, “too gay” when they went out. Thoughts swirled in his mind, but he didn’t have time for that, he had to get ready for the day.

 

Chris wrapped up his spot on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and quickly rushed out of Rockefeller Center. He wasn’t in the mood to greet people or play star with fans, he just wanted to go back to his hotel and spend his time there, in the privacy of his room. He walked without purpose, just walking where his feet led him, and he found himself on 44th street again. He pulled out his phone as it vibrated in his pocket, his agent letting him know that they were having a problem with his hotel room, maintenance issues and they were going to move him to another room. He looked at the Belasco again and across the street at the hotel there. He told his agent that he’d just stay with a friend and there was no need to worry about it. Then he went inside and booked himself a room at Hotel Mela. He chided himself internally as he opened the curtains and looked down on the street below him. He could see the front of the theater and the people milling around, waiting to buy tickets or to perhaps get a glace of Darren. He smiled a sad smile as he looked at the eyes that he knew so well he shut the curtain, unsure of why he wanted to torture himself like this. Over the next hour or so, he swore he could hear the music from inside the theater, could hear that voice, the one that he told himself he’d never want to hear for the rest of his life. The sound made him want to leave his room and enter the theater, a temptation he never thought he’d have to worry about.

He got angry suddenly, furious that Darren had him doing things he normally wouldn’t do, starting with getting a hotel room in this building, obviously less than the caliber that he was used to. He started calling everyone he knew, hoping for advice, well everyone except his boyfriend, which was the last person he wanted to share this news with. He ended up talking with Lauren, the person who knew him best, aside from the other voice he could currently hear. She offered to come there and rescue him, but when he refused, she told him to go see the show and make a decision on what he saw there. He hung up with her even more frustrated than before. 

Chris resumed his perch at the window and watched the street below him, it was New York and this was prime people-watching territory. This lasted a good fifteen minutes before a form that he was certain he recognized made its way across the street. He knew exactly who that was, even if a beanie covered those black curls, there was no mistaking that body. He quickly crossed the street and into the restaurant directly below the hotel. Chris’ heart slammed inside his ribcage, Darren was only separated from him by a few floors. He wanted to hide in the bathroom again, but realized that there was no way Darren would realize he was in there. He kept watching out the window and it wasn’t long until that familiar form crossed the street again, this time with bags of food, and stopped to talk to some people gathered outside the stage door to the theater. He posed and took photos and disappeared behind the gate. Watching him pose for photos stirred up the anger in Chris, and made him remember the moment when he realized things had gone sour.

“Wanna go out tonight?” Darren asked, flopping onto the couch in Chris’ trailer and cuddling up next to the man while he attempted to write.

“Dare, you know the answer to that question.” Chris stated, not pausing in his writing to consider the question.

“C’mon, you work too hard.” Darren said, pulling the glasses from Chris’ face and putting them on his own, mirroring Chris’ serious expression. “You know going out with me will be worth your while.” 

He made a kissy face at Chris as Chris reached over and plucked his glasses out of Darren’s hands.

“Yeah, I’m sure that standing to the side while you take pictures with your adoring public will be so much more fun than me working on this.” Chris rolled his eyes and set back to typing.

“Hey.” Darren said softly. “I never want you to stand to the side, it is you that doesn’t want people to know about us.”

“Me?” Chris gasped. “It’s your people!” His voice went higher at the end of his sentence, he was becoming quite furious. “You won’t even tell them that you want to be with me. It’s not that I don’t want to go out, it’s that I don’t want to deal what going out with you means. Secret entrances, riding in separate cars. We can just stay here and avoid that.” Chris sighed and turned his back toward Darren, and went back to writing.

“Chris, you know I want to.” Darren started.

“Do you Darren? Because I’m starting to wonder if you really do, or if this is a fun thing you’re into right now.” Chris took his glasses off and set them on the table in front of him. “There is nothing more for me to say about this, you are the one who is going to have to take a risk Darren.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I just can’t. I fucking can’t right now. I would if I could, I would love nothing more than to tell everyone in the fucking world about how I feel about you, but I can’t.” His eyes shone with unshed tears.

“Darren, what are we even doing then?” Chris sighed and shook his head softly. “This whole thing, it just isn’t what we thought, huh?” He gave a bitter chuckle stood up. “I need some space. Can I just have a few days?” He gestured toward his door and waited for Darren to stand. When Darren attempted to kiss him, he ducked away and didn’t say a word. Darren walked out, and never went back in his trailer again. The wall was built, the lines drawn and from that moment on, lines were never blurred between Kurt and Blaine and Chris and Darren. 

Darren jogged inside with his take-out, as well as take-out for the rest of the team, but before he could take it to them, he stopped at the box-office to see if his tickets had been claimed. His face fell when the attendant told him that Chris had not shown up to collect his ticket, but that he’d let him know the moment that situation changed. Darren shrugged it off outwardly and took the food to everyone, before he closed himself off in his dressing room. Rebecca knocked softly before she let herself in.

“If you’re here to make-out, I’ll have to cancel for today. Raincheck?” Darren asked, and attempted a grin at her.

“Don’t try to lie to me Criss, I know you only like to make-out when I’ve gone totally man.” She winked and Darren laughed and ushered her over to a seat.

“What brings you across the hall to visit your lowly Hedwig?” He teased and dug into his lunch.

“I actually thought maybe you could use a friend. I saw you in here this morning and then Annie told me you’d been struggling after some news you got last night. Then you looked like someone kicked your dog right in front of you. A listening ear is here if you want to talk before makeup comes.” She reached over and took his hands in hers.

“I don’t know where to start and I don’t even know how much I should tell you. It’s about a guy I used to know. God, so much more than used to know, I guess if I meant Biblically know, then that would be true. But this guy, he was my soulmate, well I thought he was." Darren took a deep breath and blinked his eyes and Rebecca smiled encouragingly. "I don't really know how it happened but I took some bad advice and things just sort of fell apart. But we worked together so I thought there was still a chance to make it right." He swallowed before he continued. "Time went quickly and he refused to talk to me. I just couldn't, well I didn't know what to do." He sighed and waited for a response from her.

"And this guy, what does he have to do with how you're acting now?"

"He's here, this week, in the city. He's stayed in LA since things wrapped but he's here and I, fuck, I just wanted him to come to the show. I sort of told him I left a ticket for him, and Annie saw him hiding out next door last night. But he hasn't picked up the ticket I left." Darren found that his mouth wouldn't stop running and all of his thoughts were coming out. "I've been dreaming about him since I found out he was here." Darren's head dropped and Rebecca reached out to touch him.

"Hey, there's still time, maybe he will pick it up and show." She said hopefully.

"No, I know that's not happening. He would've shown up to claim it by now, I know him." He shrugged and his head hung low. "I've got to accept that this is over, I didn't try enough, and I made some fucked up choices. I wouldn't blame him." Darren heard footsteps and soon the door was opening, makeup ready to transform him back into Hedwig. Rebecca hurried over to her dressing room to complete her transformation. Darren closed his eyes and drifted into thoughts, Chris dominating his mind once again. 

He glanced at the man next to him, the strong arms and shoulders, the elegant slope of his neck. It made him want to write a song, but before he could get to his notepad, a soft voice stopped him.

“Dare?” Chris whispered to the darkness.

“Yeah Chris, I’m here.” Darren curled his body up against Chris’ and kissed his neck. “I’m always going to be here.” He breathed out into Chris’ hair.

“I don’t usually do things like this.” Chris whispered, still not paying attention to what Darren was saying. “I mean, sleep with costars, or anyone really. Not that I’m a . . . well, you know. I just mean that I don’t make a habit of it.” He scrunched his nose up at the thought and turned to face Darren. Blue eyes searched Darren’s face for an answer.

“Did you think. . . c’mon, you don’t actually think I go from place to place fucking people. I’m kinda insulted.” He scoffed and trailed a finger along Chris’ arm. “To be honest, this was my first time, with a guy I mean. I’ve always been curious and I’ve tried some other stuff with guys, but just not ever tried “it” out. God, I’m babbling and making myself look like an idiot. Stop me now, before I say more embarrassing things.” He grinned over at Chris, now propped up on his elbow. “I’ve got a call time early in the morning.”

“I’m aware, I’ve got to be there the same time you do.” Chris sighed and stretched his arms over his head. 

“I was thinking, it might be easier if you stayed here. We could just ride in together.” Darren mumbled, hoping that Chris wouldn’t make him repeat himself.

“Much easier, I won’t even drag myself out of bed then.” Chris snuggled down into Darren’s bed and pulled the blankets up around the two of them. “This could be perfect you know.” He took Darren’s hand and squeezed tightly.

“Yeah, perfect or a disaster.” Darren chuckled and turned until Chris was pressed up against his back, more was keeping them cozy than the blankets.

“Done, you look vaguely beautiful.” His makeup team scurried out of the room and allowed wardrobe to get him rigged up for his show. He wondered if Chris had taken him up on the ticket offer yet, and at that moment he decided to add a nod to Chris into the show. 

Chris watched people enter the theater across the street and burned with curiosity at what secrets were held within. He considered Ashley’s advice, but knew he didn’t want Darren to know he was in the theater. His only option was to buy a ticket, so he dressed in his most fitted suit and spent ten minutes gelling his hair to perfection, before deciding to go with a hat to help with the recognition. He hurried across the street and into the theater, hoping that they would have a seat in the upper part of the theater where he’d be less likely to be seen. He waited in line, each passing minute was torture, all he hoped was that nobody would notice him, and he was afraid that it was only a matter of time. Finally, it was his turn and he attempted to make his voice sound deeper. He eventually was able to get a ticket, but it was in the orchestra section, at least it was for a row further toward the back.

He had his ticket scanned and headed for the bathroom where he pulled the hat off and fixed the hair he had previously worked so hard to perfect. He could hear the music starting, but he needed a drink and since there was no intermission, he would have to go ahead and get one now. He settled on a vodka cranberry, the house drink of choice according to the bartender, and made his way to his seat. He could hear Darren’s voice, thick with a German accent now, he was always able to fully immerse himself in a role, Chris thought spitefully. The ushers kept him from entering the theater during the opening number. Chris drained his drink and prepared himself for what was to come. 

The number finished and the ushers pulled a curtain back for him to walk into the theater. Darren, or Hedwig rather, was welcoming people into the theater, even if they were coming late. Chris paused in the aisle and looked up on the stage and their eyes locked. The audience was laughing at something Hedwig was in the middle of saying, but the words had stopped coming and Darren, behind Hedwig’s face, stared in shock at him before quickly composing himself and going on with the show.

Chris watched as Darren commanded the crowd and the band behind him, his presence sold the show for everyone. The crowd laughed at the right moments, cheered along with Hedwig, and sometimes cried along too. He was enjoying this show more than he thought he was going to, and especially enjoying watching Darren do this. He laughed when Hedwig told a joke about his outfit being made of Chris Col-fur, and he listened to the murmurs around him about that being a new joke that hadn’t previously been in the show. A small smile touched his lips, but he refused to let it take over his face.

Suddenly, the show was almost over and instead of the broken character of Hedwig, he was greeted with Tommy Gnosis singing “Wicked Little Town” again, and tears streamed down his face. He knew this song wasn’t written for him, but Darren was staring at him as he sang it and it felt like his soul was breaking apart. He had to get out of there, and as fast as he could, before he caused a scene. He jumped from his seat and headed toward the back of the theater. Darren watched him until he couldn’t see him, but couldn’t leave to stop him.

He pushed open the door, wishing that the air would’ve been cold, but was met with more of the sticky, late June heat. He realized, too late, that there would be so many people out here. They did not seem to be paying attention and he dashed across the street and into his hotel before anyone stopped him. In all of his haste, he missed the watchful eye of Annie, noticing where he headed. He heard the screams soon and looked out of his window to see Darren, freshly showered and now free of Hedwig or Tommy, greeting people again. When he was finished, he talked to the man in his car and headed back inside the theater. Chris was confused, but went about getting ready for bed. Just as he was closing his eyes, he heard a knock at his door. He sighed and wondered who could possibly be bothering him now, but he opened it and was greeted with the sight of Darren, leaning against his doorframe.

“Really Chris, Kurt Anderson was your alias?” He chuckled and looked at Chris for a reaction.

“Heh, well I was trying to think of something on short notice. What are you doing here? How did you find where I was?” He bit his bottom lip and just took in the close proximity.

“I just felt like I needed to say some things, maybe to fix some things. Annie saw you head inside the hotel, your alias was easy to crack so they told me which room you were in.” Darren shrugged and bounced on the balls of his feet. Chris forgot what this was like, the adrenaline of performing and the high that kept you up for hours after. “I just thought maybe you’d let me come in.” Darren asked hopefully.

Chris raked his eyes over Darren, his tank top was hugging his chest and his hair was wild and messy now, curls flying in every direction, the way Chris preferred it, rather than the gelled look he had sported in Glee. He wanted to reach out and touch a curl, to wind it around his fingers, but he did not, he kept his fingers clenched in his fist. He didn’t answer for an almost unbearably long time, but finally opened his door wider and allowed Darren to walk in.

“There’s not a chair or anything, you can sit on the edge by the window or you can sit on the bed.”

“I’ll take the seat by the window, I’d love to see your view from here. What could be so inviting that you still have the curtains open?” Darren grinned and sauntered over to the window to look at the view below, which included his own eyes staring back at him. “Well, those are definitely familiar.” 

“I thought you wanted to talk.” Chris interrupted him, his cheeks burned with the embarrassment of being caught watching the theater.

“I, well I do want to talk, but I don’t know what to say. I’ve never gotten to the part where we talk when I think about this in my head.” He raked a hand through his curls and Chris swallowed hard as he watched him.

“Well I’ve got plenty to say.” He sat down on the bed and thoughts burst out of him. “You were amazing tonight, honestly I was so proud of the way you handled the crowd and the material. I was proud of you Darren, I’m glad I came to the show. When you sang, “Wicked Little Town” for the second time, I was just completely overwhelmed with everything. You moved me, Darren.” Chris added the famous line from Blaine into his speech as a special nod to their history.

“I just wanted you to see that not everything I do is playing it safe and that I’m willing to risk things to be true to myself.” Darren shrugged.

“Yeah, except, for all anyone knows, you take it all off at the end of the day and go home as a straight man to your beautiful girlfriend.” Chris lamented. “You don’t live with the stigma of being a gay man, because as far as anyone knows, you aren’t one.” His mouth tightened and he leaned further back onto the bed and away from Darren.

“I thought you’d see that I am doing the best I can.” Darren left the window seat and came over next to Chris on the bed. “I can’t do anything else.” His eyes pleaded with Chris to understand, but Chris shook his head.

“Being who you are doesn’t come with restrictions. If you like men, tell people that, or at the very least, don’t pretend that you’re happy with her.” Chris shrugged and gave a pointed look at him, waiting for the next thing he would say.

“Chris…” Darren muttered, and then took Chris’ face in his hands and kissed him slowly. Chris kissed him for a moment before pulling away.

“No sir, you can’t just kiss your way back into my life. This is how we got into this mess.” He stood from the bed and started to pace. “Sex or any activity leading up to it is not communication.”

“Are you fucking serious? I TRIED TO COMMUNICATE AND YOU SHUT ME OUT!” Darren shouted, starting to get angry that their reunion was not going as planned.

“Don’t yell at me, Dare. You wanted to tell me that you have to do this or it is for the best, but that is not the communication that I will accept if you want something more than friendship from me. Period.” Chris said, icily, ignoring the wounded look on Darren’s face.

“I just want us to try.” Darren whined.

“That’s what I want you to do, try being yourself. I’m not going to spend my time pretending, we are too old for that, I’m too old for that.” Chris felt his eyes tear up, but kept his composure.

“Don’t you want happiness? No matter the cost?” Darren closed his eyes and hoped, but Chris took too long before responding that some things were too costly. “Then give me tonight.” Darren breathed out before he could take it back. “If you’ll just give me this one last night, I’ll never bother you again.” He swallowed hard and ventured a glace toward Chris.

“Fine, this doesn’t change how I feel about things going forward.” Chris gave him a hard stare, making sure he understood. “But I do miss touching you, and having you touch me.”  
Darren didn’t wait for another word before he was reaching out for Chris and pulling his arm to bring him back to the bed. They spent the rest of the night entwined, pushing their physical connection to the maximum level, hoping to fill the void they’d been missing by their separation. Darren, exhausted from the show, was the first to fall asleep, even though he’d vowed not to miss one second of their night. 

Chris lay awake, wrapped up with this man he’d thought he’d spend forever with. He realized that they couldn’t go back to that time, that innocence and pure emotion that had led them to all of those moments together. His heart ached with loss and he felt himself sobbing, attempting to be quiet, but he knew that Darren would feel his body shaking and wake.  
There was so much that happened between them, so many moments that he would never forget, but Chris knew that this truly was time to let go of that time in his life, both professionally and personally. As much as getting out of that bed hurt, Chris left Darren’s side and started packing all of his things. He had left most everything at his other hotel, so he didn’t have more than a small satchel of things anyway. He sat down at the in-room desk and he did the thing that he now felt that he was best at, he wrote.

Dare,  
You are sleeping in the bed right now, and God, you look beautiful. It is taking everything that I have inside myself not to jump back into that bed with you and wake you up. The thing is, my heart aches when I am with you, and I want more than you can give, or at least more than you are willing to give right now. I wish I could be happy with this fabricated reality that you believe to be life, but I know I won’t be happy with less than one hundred percent of you. I’ve got to leave you behind, there are too many unknowns in life to say that I won’t see you again, but I can’t keep doing this and expecting you to change your mind. I believe that you love me in the best way that you know how to love, and I promise that I love you too, more than I could ever express. There is nothing I’d like more than to be by your side forever, but I do not think that is meant to be for us. I am flying back home, to Los Angeles, to Will. I’m going to put my effort into making my relationship with him work and to healing my heart from this. I hope one day you find happiness, no matter who it is with.  
\- CC

Chris gave one final look over the letter before he stood up to leave. He brushed a kiss over Darren’s forehead, which caused him to start to stir.

“Chris?”

“Shh, it’s ok. I’m here, go back to sleep.” Chris soothed him until he was back to sleep and he could safely leave without Darren realizing what was going on. He quickly pulled the door shut behind him with a click and went to work out his check out with the front desk. 

Dawn was breaking over the buildings of the city when Chris stepped out into the morning, already people were bustling by. Probably on their way to the office, he mused. He gave a final glace to the window above him, where he knew Darren was tucked in safely, before finally setting out on his way home. Tears stung his eyes as he walked the few blocks to the Times Square subway station, he set out for the airport, he saw Darren’s face looming at him from different billboards, even the taxi’s had signs for the shows. They seemed to be mocking his pain, but he continued on his way, he wasn’t going to stop until he was safely ensconced on a flight home, back to his normal life, and away from the fresh pain that was all around him in New York.


End file.
